As a year of travel planned creeps up on me, I've talked to a lot of people on where I'm going, what I'm doing, and why. The general topic of travel either evokes excitement or fear from people, and honestly I feel both. Those emotions are so separate and insignificant, though, when I think about what I'm actually doing, and how important it is for me (and everyone!) to travel. No matter how nervous or scared I am, I must think about why I am afraid, and it is simply this: I will see places, people, and cultures I have never experience before. Realizing this, I must remind myself to stay open minded and embrace the experiences, good or bad. It is so sad to me that that simple fear of the unknown will keep people where they are their entire lives. Some people will dream and research and swoon over exotic new places, much like I have over the past two years. But realizing how easy it is to travel and make it happen by banishing the fear and putting your mind to it is something that can only be achieved by first letting go of your doubts and inhibitions about traveling and new places. Of course, it is intimidating. But it HAS to be done. Don't make excuses! Travel! Be free and roam. Don't be afraid to get lost. Eventually, if you lose yourself in the world, you'll be forced to learn exactly where you stand not only geographically, but in worldly knowledge and intelligence. Banish ignorance and get out there!
As an owner of three cats, I am embarrassed yet proud of my lovely furry friends, but being a cat owner comes with a certain stigma. This stigma is personified into a cat lady; you know, the lonely old woman who has way too many cats to count, to keep her company until her demise. This is not necessarily to be desired, and in fact, I'd avoid it. As my cat count keeps climbing, I think it's important to share how to NOT get too many cats, because I fear I'm on the tipping side of the scale.
Step One: DON'T GET A CAT.
Cats are irresistible I know. You visit a shelter or pet store, and have to bring one home. You love your friend's cat. You want your own. But beware, this is how it all starts... with that one cat. That companion who will eventually just NEED a friend. After that, they will both need a friend. This will all escalate very quickly until it's simply too late.
Step Two: DON'T RESCUE CATS.
You find a kitten behind a dumpster. It doesn't bite you, and you bring it home. BAM, YOU HAVE ANOTHER CAT. You can't give it away now, you've already fallen in love. Cats from the street who look like they need a home usually don't need YOUR home. Find a no kill shelter, or a friend who is looking for a pet. You don't need another cat, so be a hero by giving the precious find to someone who does.
STEP THREE: DON'T LET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER GET A CAT.
You're in a love triangle with your cat and your boyfriend. Boyfriend loves your cat. Boyfriend brings another cat home claiming it's his cat. You and boyfriend break up and he leaves "his" cat with you. You now own multiple cats. It happens so quickly. Collecting cats from past relationships is a dangerous road, my friends.
STEP FOUR: GET THEM FIXED.
Kittens! Everyone wants one. But do you really want four newborn kittens, in addition to your other three? At first, yes. Of course you do, kittens are fucking adorable. A year later, you are practically running a cat colony in your studio apartment, where you are outnumbered 6 to one. You can't even wear black anymore without looking like a furrball, all because you forgot to pay thirty bucks to get your first cat fixed. Shame, shame.
STEP FIVE: SET A LIMIT.
Maybe you do want more than one cat, but let's be real. Cats are an addiction. If you're gonna be cat crazy, set yourself a limit. From personal experience, I've found that having more than three cats defines you as a cat lady/person. Some say two is too much. It's all about how many you can handle; although they are easy to acquire, buying four bags of cat food every time you go grocery shopping can put a dent in your wallet.
I hope these five simple steps find you well. I hope it's not too late for you. I fear it's way too late for me, but I'm okay with being a lonely cat lady for now, and thank god my roommate is not allergic.
I feel lost, but it's more comfortable than I have ever been. I have more questions than answers and too much unfinished business. This does not bother me, because I have realize that no matter how hard people try to "get it together", we will always be searching for something to make us feel more complete. I have come to terms with the fact that I may never be complete, and I will always be searching for pieces of myself. I believe that those pieces are scattered across my lifetime, and that I will find them through trials and experiences. The most I can hope for is that by the end of my life, I am near whole. That is my mission and goal, but for now I am incomplete. I am okay with this. I am happy with the pieces I have collected so far.
After being away from blogging for about two years, I've realized I have way too much to say to not write it down and publish to the World Wide Web. Okay, I'm lying. The real reason I'm starting this thing up again is because I need to tune my writing skills. I've become a victim to shorthand and lolz and but really prolly tho and iPhone autocorrect Tom foolery (there it goes, capitalizing Tom for no good god damn reason). Having the technology to blog anywhere is such an appeal and I can't resist downloading one more stupid app, because who can? Anyways, I'm doing this for myself, as I'm sure every blogger self consciously mutters, but feedback is cool, too, umm like that is if you want to, yeah. Totally. The other posts on here are mainly from my high school depression, and other random yet still somehow relevant thoughts I've had. Enjoy.
prescriptions make me
what i am labeled to be
unfeeling cold medical names
too long to say but dancing
around your tongue anyway
we're not angry or alone
we're just looking for answers
among adolescent fog
we are trendy, filled with apathy
and cigarrette smoke
Wisdom hasn't arrived at our
doorstep yet but
we pretend we know everything
because we do, oh yes, i do.
its a scary place.
monsters hold hands with the skeletons I keep, dancing in the dark under the mountains of clothes I use daily to cover my naked skin.
nakedness does not exist anymore,
for I have found a way to cover myself completely with the facade of happiness.
I have been waiting to peel it off, and hang it up in my closet where it belongs.
but still, it stays, covering every square inch so I am not exposed.
so no one knows
I wear this facade as protection
while I fight these demons
my armor isn't strong enough
and fight and fight and fight
until they finally return to the closet
and rest at night
while I am asleep dreaming of a better life.